Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
