I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
