Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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