I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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