I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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