i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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