the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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