I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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