So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i have herpe
just one?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
