he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize