I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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