Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
