You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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