I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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