I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
