he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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