Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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