No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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