Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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