I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
