So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
