I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
