Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Congratulations! We have a period
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
