the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
