we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize