i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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