My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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