So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
