What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
