Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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