This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
