No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
