the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
