I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
