He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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