Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
