you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
