Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
