Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
