I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
