I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The struggles of a small town man whore
not ubering you a puppy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
