when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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