Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
