I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
