Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
