you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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