I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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