Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
