I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
