What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
