Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
