8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
