It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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