dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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