So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
