They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
