So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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