sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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