Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
