I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
