Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
