TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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