Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
