You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
