you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
