Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
