I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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