so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize