Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
